Overcoming the Fear of Conflict

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In my last post, I discussed Patrick Lencioni’s Five Dysfunctions of a Team, and how leaders can work to turn these weaknesses into potential strengths. I then explored how teams can work to build vulnerability-based trust, which is the base of the pyramid that forms the five essentials of high performing teams. Without trust, there is no way an organisation can move up the pyramid, leveraging this trust to thrive as a team, rather than just a group.

Once this trust is built, teams can then begin to overcome the second dysfunction, the fear of conflict.

Conflict and Discomfort

Even in the most successful of teams, conflict is always a little uncomfortable. As human beings, we are hard-wired to react to conflict - particularly when we feel it is a personal attack - with defensive behaviour.

We are groomed by evolution to react to any perceived threat by protecting ourselves at any cost. When conflict arises, people often experience what Daniel Goleman coined in Emotional Intelligence as the amygdala hijack. This displays itself in the boardroom as ‘fight behaviours’ such as attacking, yelling, arguing or blaming and ‘flight behaviours’ such as avoiding, procrastinating, making excuses or sulking.

This is no reason, however, to avoid conflict. Once teams have mastered the skill of vulnerability-based trust, which can be facilitated using personal history exercises, I then begin to work with them on mastering conflict.

Without healthy, constructive conflict, where team members feel they can express their opinions openly and honestly, people ‘don’t really buy in’.

Teams can learn to communicate successfully by first identifying what destructive and constructive conflict looks like. I then suggest they work on defining the rules of engagement around company conflict, which establishes a norm for internal discussions.

Destructive Conflict

“Teams that trust each other are not afraid to engage in passionate dialogue around issues and decisions that are key to the organisation’s success. They do not hesitate to disagree with, challenge, and question one another, all in the spirit of finding the best answers, discovering the truth, and making great decisions.” – Patrick Lencioni

In Jim Collins’ book How The Mighty Fall, he defines how destructive conflict can bring down even the largest and most successful of organisations.

Companies that are in decline engage in destructive conflict in the following ways:

• Team members hold back from revealing the grim realities to the leadership group for fear of recrimination

• Team discussions are ego-driven, rather than being defined by people trying to find the best ideas

• Strong opinions are expressed without supporting data or evidence

• People feel pressured into agreeing to decisions and then subconsciously undermine their implementation

• Business failures are dealt with through recrimination and blame

 Constructive Conflict

Conversely, constructive conflict focuses on evidence-based contributions from all team members and discourages personal attacks and blame based discussion.

Constructive conflict involves:

• Leaders encouraging staff to bring troublesome issues to their attention 

• Team discussions are focused on achieving group objectives rather than personal gain

• Contributions are supported by data, evidence and logic

• Once a decision is made, all parties commit wholeheartedly to achieving that goal

• People take personal responsibility and are committed to personal and professional growth

Mastering Conflict

There are several strategies companies can use to master constructive conflict. 

Firstly, as everyone in your team will have different conflict styles, it is important to understand everyone’s comfort levels when it comes to conflict. While some people will feel comfortable arguing loudly and passionately, others will feel shy about expressing their opinions altogether. Knowing where everyone on your team sits on this spectrum will allow you to establish a ‘conflict culture’ that everyone understands and can adjust to.

Creating a conflict resolution policy which makes clear what is and isn’t deemed to be acceptable behaviour will aid in staff feeling more comfortable voicing concerns before they escalate.

At Infinity HR, we work with teams to master the essentials of high performing teams through cutting edge, people-first strategies. Contact Iolanda Hazell on 0400 489 743 or email iolanda@infinityhr.com.au to discuss how you can take your management to the next level.

References:

Jim Collins - How The Mighty Fall

Daniel Goleman - The Brain and Emotional Intelligence

The Table Group - The Five Dysfunctions of a Team